Someday Syndrome

Flaunting My ImperfectionsPosted by Alex Fayle

I strive daily to destroy my ego, that part of me that whines when things don't go his way, that looks to push himself forward at every turn, and sings "lalalalalalala" when people offer criticism of any kind. You know what I'm talking about, I'm sure. We all have ego-issues.

When I approach a situation without ego, I don't get offended, I don't get stressed and I do end up feeling a lot more joy in my life. Everything goes much more smoothly and everybody's happy.

However, I've been doing something very British recently. I haven't been destroying my ego. I've been suppressing anger and I've paid pretty for it with a stomach full of acid. From here on in, therefore, I will continue with the ego-destruction for spiritual growth, but I'll start expressing anger, resentment, fear, and all those other "non-polite" emotions and comments when I feel them start to burn in my gut.

In fact, I'll revel in it and use the emotions to improve my writing. But of course I'll do it without being a bitch.

After all, there's no reason to be rude.

Someday Lessons:

• There's a big difference between letting anger go and repressing it.
• We are all imperfect people – it's okay to enjoy being petty sometimes.

Twenty Years of AlexPosted by Alex Fayle

Yesterday I felt cranky and crampy, so the arrival in the mail of a disk containing a whole lot of photos from my dramatic youth perked me right up.

My oldest (she's only 40!) longest (she's kinda short actually) – the friend that I've had the longest (since I was six) scanned in all her photos from our wild rebellious youth and sent them to me. Since I'm still not totally up to snuff yet (but feeling much better thanks), I'll entertain you with a collage of photos from 15-20 and 24, 32 and 35.

Enjoy – feel free to point fingers and laugh!

Someday Lessons:

• Never take yourself too seriously.
• Don't look back at your past and say "I'm so embarrassed!" Instead say "What an experience!"

Click on the image to view it in a larger size.

Don't Blame the GarlicPosted by Alex Fayle

It turns out I can't blame my politeness and the overly-garlicked food from the weekend. I have a stomach bug and therefore no interest whatsoever in posting today.

So go read my recently published website review in Vision magazine.

Someday Lessons:

• Have a backup plan for when your life is full of crap (pun intended yet again).
• Don't be too quick to judge the cause of bad things - it's highly likely you're wrong.

Too Polite for My Own GoodPosted by Alex Fayle

This weekend, friends visited from Catalonia (hence the lack of posts Thursday and Friday). With my recent stomach problems and resulting bad moods, four people in a 200sq ft apartment can feel a bit cramped (pun intended). In an effort to refrain from snapping at people, I kept my distance most of the weekend. The emotional distance also helped keep a physical distance from all the bad-for-me food that the others consumed over the four days.

Unfortunately the emotional distance ended up taking a toll on everyone with one guest trying to push into my carefully delineated Alex-only territory. Yesterday she decided to cook – paying us back for our hospitality. And even though I'd explained my dietary restrictions several times over the weekend, lunch ended up having garlic and pepper in it (Raul managed to stop her using white wine). Given the tension in the apartment, I decided just to eat the food without a fuss. After all, the garlic was still in its skin only flavouring the food -  I wouldn't actually be eating the stuff directly. I'd be fine!

Wrong!

Yesterday afternoon my stomach started to rebel and I got a wicked headache. I went to bed at 9:30 and slept almost ten hours. Today I feel like I have a stomach bug and I'm majorly regretting my I-so-nice-of-course-I'll-eat-your-food-that-is-bad-for-me Britishness.

Someday Lessons:

• Health issues supersede politeness every time.
• Listen to your gut (pun intended again). It knows what's good for you.

Resisting the Peanut ButterPosted by Alex Fayle

I've always believed that I lack willpower. I just can't make myself do things I don't want to nor NOT do things I do want to.

I have all the things I need for super success in whatever I do: ambition, drive, talent (modesty) - everything except willpower. I'm not as successful as I could be because I lack willpower. It's inherent and unchangeable.

(Un)fortunately that's a complete lie. How do I know that? Because I've discovered I do possess willpower over what I eat. With my severely limited diet, I could cheat easily. No one would know if I bought a donut or devoured a bag of potato chips. I simply choose not to because I remember the nine years of pain I used to live in and was beginning to feel again.

Yesterday for example I had a terrible craving for peanut butter and Ritz crackers, my mainstay childhood food. I could taste the smooth sweetness of the Kraft PB, the buttery saltiness of the Ritz. I felt the cracker snap and flake as my teeth bit into it, the peanut butter sticking my tongue to the roof of my mouth.

Later in the day I walked past a bakery and decided I would be willing trade my soul for a soft, chewy peanut butter cookie that would coat my mouth with floury goodness.

I managed to resist both, however, without much drama. I have no desire to live the rest of my life in pain, so denying myself sweets and processed foods for six months every five years is easily doable.

So yeah, I do have willpower - when I find something important enough. Does it mean then that I find very few things important? Or that I'm just lazy?

Someday Lessons:

• Willpower is not inherent - it's a choice, like almost everything else in life.
• Pain and discomfort often motivate change better than anything else.

Someone Else's WritingPosted by Alex Fayle

Those of you who were here last summer will remember that my sister took over for me while I was on holiday. Now she has her own blog (sometimes shared with her boyfriend, man, spouse, significant other?).

Today she posted a great topic about marriage and about using life as a learning experience.

It's much better than anything I could come up with today, so go read it.

http://urbanpanther.blogspot.com/2008/04/mawage.html

Someday Lessons:

• Celebrate the successes of others as well as your own.
• When someone else says something really well, quote them - there's no need to come up with your own version.

The Blogger's New ClothesPosted by Alex Fayle

Raul's best friend is visiting this weekend. Many times he's told Raul that he would be happy to take any extra clothes off of Raul's hands (yes Raul has an extensive wardrobe).

Today therefore Raul and I went through all of his clothes still at his mother's place. Being the boyfriend I got first pick on anything I liked. So I now have a great new summer wardrobe and I didn't have to pay a penny!

Someday Lessons:

• Before summer starts have a clothes swap with friends.
• You don't have to spend lots of money to enjoy a new wardrobe.

On The Way to WorkPosted by Alex Fayle

I hope I'll never take my commute to work for granted.

Today I walked along the water's edge, clambered over seaweed covered rocks, dodged the incoming tide and lay on the beach in the sun for an hour listening to the Decemberists (The Crane Wife) before I went to teach class.

Can it get any better than that?

Someday Lessons:

• Even the most wonderful things become commonplace with enough repetition.
• Don't take the good things in life for granted. Stay in the moment and savour everything.

A Cat in the SunPosted by Alex Fayle

I know I'm supposed to only use the bed for sleeping (and of course... no I won't say more - this is a family-friendly blog). Unfortunately, with my weird heartburn symptoms, I've pretty much lived in the bed for the past two weeks, which has played total havoc with my sleeping patterns.

I go to sleep not tired. I wake up in the middle of the night. I sometimes go sleep on our tiny sofa just for a change of scenery. And I always wake up stiff and exhausted.

Normally I refuse to nap during the day (to try to be more tired when I go to bed) but today I couldn't resist. The sun was shining for the first time in a while and there was some real heat in the air, so I took a towel and my MP3 player out to the terrace and napped in the sun for an hour.

I then went into work feeling rested plus I got a great start on my summer tan.

Someday Lessons:

• No cure is ever without its side effects.
• Sunshine makes me happy.

The Arrogance of ExpertsPosted by Alex Fayle

The antacid medication hasn't kicked in yet, so I didn't go in to work. I spent the day in bed except for half-an-hour when I went to see the doctor to get a note for my boss. While there I asked the doctor a few questions about the pain and about the candida problems I have, but unfortunately she gave me the typical western medicine response of "you're just the patient – you don't know anything."

If it weren't for the language barrier I would have pushed more, but then again I think I would have just been banging my head against a wall, which might have distracted from the acid-pain but wouldn't have been good in the long run. The doctor's attitude was the same I experienced when the medical community in Toronto told me that I had fibromyalgia and couldn't do anything about it. After living in pain for nine years I changed my diet and poof! all symptoms went away (for almost five years).

In other words I'm a little short on trust right now but in Spain people are assigned their doctors and can't look around for one they trust and feel comfortable with. Maybe I'll make a long distance appointment with my former naturopath in Toronto. He always paid attention to everything I told him.

Someday Lessons:

• All too often, the more people know, the less the listen to others.
• Ultimately, you are the only true advocate for your health.